Hollow of a Tree

I am in a strange space right now. I could crawl into the hollow of a tree, cover the doorway with a pile of leaves and hide away for as long as I need... I can already be as invisible to most of the world as I want to be... not many ever come looking for me. But I would still like the choice every now and again to hide... maybe for someone to want to come find me... maybe just so I can find that little something that keeps calling me to myself.
I am finding this a very lonely stretch in my life. Guess that is why I would like a "get away". My oldest son has moved out, my second went from talking to me everyday for at least an hour to cave dwelling and living in his room and not at all in the rest of the house. My third doesn't know quite what to do with himself but the sweet guy comes and hugs me several times a day and tells me he loves me and my fourth is mr social one visiting with friends every spare moment he can. With my hubby working steady nights till 3 am... well you would think I would have more than enough time alone and wouldn't desire more... yet I do and don't.
I have friends who need me when they are in need and close their front door along with the screen otherwise. So I only have myself to discuss what is being internalized in me. I feel that strength... but I also feel some slip... which probably means I should loosen my grip up!
I just don't know what I want or what I can do with myself. My health is bombarding me so fiercely that I seriously fear the reprocussions that are on my horizon. I don't even talk to Robert about it. Today he said he notices how much worse I am getting but that was his only revelation. Honestly, what can he do or say... I don't know what I need from him or anyone right now. Oh dear! I am going to do what I haven't for months and months... ugh... salt tears that have refused have blinded my sight.... I hate that throat constiction and sting on cheek.
The tree hollow would not be such a grand plan would it? Everything would just follow me there within my head. My cracked heart would drum its same beat and my brain thump around in its space looking for an outlet. To be so strong and yet so weak at the same time. Such a contradiction ... such necessity!
If I let it out... if I actually spoke it... would the contradiction end?
Perhaps on a page not so known. Or should it be? I wish I didn't know the story myself. Why would anyone else want the read?

A hollow of a tree

that is where I could be

to sing my sad love song

in tears

In a hollow of a tree

my cracked heart drumming

rhythms so wildly free within

changing harmonies

From a hollow of a tree

I could find what I seek

curled up in contentment both

strong and yet weak

Hiding in a hollow of a tree

would anyone attempt to come find

this person no one knows yet in this

wild fortress grows

Love Lion~*WoodNymphPaw

To Feel It

I have seen a pattern ~ weaved and woven into intricate designs of emotional tuck and knot and fray. I have cloaked myself with it and seen others make their own mosaic of tapestry. Hung on windows, walls and spread across floors. Covering the blemishes that seep through the stains of the soul.

What makes a person hide in dark illusions? To carry dim candlelight when Sun is brilliant and Moon is full! To remain dormant when all around flowers blossom and trees sway in the wind.

Just like in ancient castles with dank lighting that brood dark corners and twisted passageways... So are we in our emotional bliss retreats. Others squint and feel somewhat uneasy not being quite sure what is hidden in the darkened edges... or even in the center portrait on the wall. We think we should be safe in our rigorous interior decorating... yet security is a feeling lost in our fortress of dressed over distresses.

I have found a real comfort in feeling. It hasn't mattered much what the emotion is... I just like what feeling has accomplished as I redecorate the housing of my soul. I used to repress to the point of depress or fireburst the inferno of conceived hurts. Instead of calmly taking each emotional strand and weave them through me till the vibrant picture stories before my own minds sight.

A dark foreboding castle is unnerving for anyone to advance up to; let alone enter. Yet one well lived in. Illuminated with many flaming candles dancing a warm glow. Same castle...two outlooks: One of emotional hostage like the prison Keep... One of haven of harmonious awareness.

I love feeling, understanding, accepting and reveling in the awareness of a completing that is tucking in what was once loose and frayed.

My castle form is hung with emotional tapestry revealing a portrait of dignified grace, wounds edged with compassion, highlights of refined gold and a wisdom of time soaked vibrance. I think some are still reluctant to visit. I however am reluctant no longer to take the full tour with a variety of emotional exhibits that compile someone I love, respect and understand.

Love Lady Lion~*TapestryPaw

Standing Strong

Well, I am still standing on my feet. Still have all the same old problems that follow me through each day from morning till night and then into my sleep. But something has changed. I know my own perspective has... But so much more than this. I feel empowered from the Almighty! I have such a deep silent calm that has rested within me for this past month plus now. It isn't me. It came to me. I felt it come and feel it stay and reside. Makes me stand strong. Makes me learn the discipline of wisdom, quietness and above all... What unconditional love and surrender mean.

I am just as unimpressed as always about the nonsense that flies around me... But I do not reach out to grab a hold of it. I let it fly on its merry way. I have no tolerance to invite it to visit me.

I am learning the fine delicate art of loving me and allow myself to love into wholeness. It truly is possible to hate the * sin* but not the sinner. Fact is in learning so... I actually find myself loving them more! Go figure! The silent calm that has come to reside... Has been teaching me this and better yet... Enabling me to do so.

At just the right time.

I was so worn down I could take no more... And so I did the only logical thing. I stopped taking *it*! Best thing I ever did do! :)

Now after months of being propped up and falling over... I am helping others be propped and find their own footing and strength to stand strong ... And all and only because of the comfort I have been so very Divinely given to comfort the ache that threatened me to shatter!

I love being Lion~*EmpoweredToBeStrongPaw this is no fleeting moment... This has been deeply cultivated and is nurtured continually for lasting growth. I might need a good drink on some of the withering days... But I am keeping on!

My gratitude is to the One who formed me and continues to form me into a woman of grace and dignity.