Hollow of a Tree

I am in a strange space right now. I could crawl into the hollow of a tree, cover the doorway with a pile of leaves and hide away for as long as I need... I can already be as invisible to most of the world as I want to be... not many ever come looking for me. But I would still like the choice every now and again to hide... maybe for someone to want to come find me... maybe just so I can find that little something that keeps calling me to myself.
I am finding this a very lonely stretch in my life. Guess that is why I would like a "get away". My oldest son has moved out, my second went from talking to me everyday for at least an hour to cave dwelling and living in his room and not at all in the rest of the house. My third doesn't know quite what to do with himself but the sweet guy comes and hugs me several times a day and tells me he loves me and my fourth is mr social one visiting with friends every spare moment he can. With my hubby working steady nights till 3 am... well you would think I would have more than enough time alone and wouldn't desire more... yet I do and don't.
I have friends who need me when they are in need and close their front door along with the screen otherwise. So I only have myself to discuss what is being internalized in me. I feel that strength... but I also feel some slip... which probably means I should loosen my grip up!
I just don't know what I want or what I can do with myself. My health is bombarding me so fiercely that I seriously fear the reprocussions that are on my horizon. I don't even talk to Robert about it. Today he said he notices how much worse I am getting but that was his only revelation. Honestly, what can he do or say... I don't know what I need from him or anyone right now. Oh dear! I am going to do what I haven't for months and months... ugh... salt tears that have refused have blinded my sight.... I hate that throat constiction and sting on cheek.
The tree hollow would not be such a grand plan would it? Everything would just follow me there within my head. My cracked heart would drum its same beat and my brain thump around in its space looking for an outlet. To be so strong and yet so weak at the same time. Such a contradiction ... such necessity!
If I let it out... if I actually spoke it... would the contradiction end?
Perhaps on a page not so known. Or should it be? I wish I didn't know the story myself. Why would anyone else want the read?

A hollow of a tree

that is where I could be

to sing my sad love song

in tears

In a hollow of a tree

my cracked heart drumming

rhythms so wildly free within

changing harmonies

From a hollow of a tree

I could find what I seek

curled up in contentment both

strong and yet weak

Hiding in a hollow of a tree

would anyone attempt to come find

this person no one knows yet in this

wild fortress grows

Love Lion~*WoodNymphPaw