"She knew what was really bugging me, because I had given her permission - and she had accepted the challenge - to know me. "
Three years ago I was led... yes led... to find some new wisdom in managing my life. All places I had attempted to go before, they were people who "thought" they knew me or just "couldn't" know me. Even those who think that they do... they often tell me their perception of who I am and even argue with me over just who I really am, what I feel, how I handle things and you know what.... it really does tick me off. I honestly am not interested anymore in what most people perceive or more appropriately - misperceive how my thoughts work out in my head and into actions or reactions. I have very rarely ever been understood. I have even let people think they were right about me... just to not have to debate the issue when the truth is... they really are not willing to listen to who I am because their own 'wisdom' expressed about me,was more important than me! Yes, this led to much aloneness in my life. I often wondered and still do if I ever wish to trust anyone enough to have this courage Leslie Parrott has... to give permission ~ to know me. But three years ago when I left my comfort zone... I found someone precious.
Maggie,a lay counsellor. The first time I met her, I knew something was very different about her. And I felt secure in talking to her. And something happened. I gave someone permission to "know me". Maggie asked me simple questions and sometimes in her office, but more often later alone, I found some very complex answers. The day after I saw her I began to write and the writings and poems that my soul has sung out have allowed me to know this woman that I am. Words came out of me no one has ever heard ... not even me! The unanswered Why? How? Who? When's??? They became known and still the process continues. I have truly enjoyed this getting to know me. By the simple questions that gently opened a closed door in my emotional soul.
I have not seen Maggie professionally for 2 1/2 yrs. We became such good friends that it was no longer possible, or wanted to continue in the lay counselling. We share back and forth the happenings of our lives and pray for one another in our concerns. Maggie is quite different from anyone else I have a face to face relationship with. She validates me and celebrates the authenticity of my life. She never tells me that I am "this or that". She still puts before me simple questions and I still find the complexities that really are quite simple within me!!! With Maggie, I feel ... respected, honored and I do feel known... she never tried to give her own perceptions... she listened and heard the truth. She is also the only one I've shared the most intimate of my writing with. And she celebrates what each word means in liberating my soul from its guarded fortress. Maggie is a gift I didn't know I would receive when I cried out in need... "Lord, help me!" He helped both of us with a gentle friendship blessed by His heart!
I didn't know those 3 years ago how much I needed to know myself on a different level. The depths I have delved into... I am truly speechless... meeting the very heart and core of myself in such raw honesty... with no fear, only a need to know and find answers. God knew what I needed to know. His love for me is astounding and He wanted me to feel it and know who I am and fall in love. So now... I have finally come to realize that what others misperceive about me... speaks about themselves. And it doesn't matter how many people don't understand or know me. I am indeed known and I know myself. This is an assurance I gladly cling to and cherish.
I found these lines from an online conversation I kept :
betsy: what is God saying to you, Lion~*?
betsy: help others
betsy: use YOUR gifts?
Lion~*: Actually Betsy ---- God is saying " Take the time to hear who is within you - she needs your love and acceptance more than you have realized! Listen well and then go on and just be....
Seems rather prophetic now to read that ... it was from Feb2004
Love Lion~*JustBeJustMePaw
"People travel to wonder at the height of the mountains, at the huge waves of the seas, at the long course of the rivers, at the vast compass of the ocean, at the circular motion of the stars, and yet they pass by themselves without wondering."St. Augustine, 354 430Early Christian Priest, Author
Women need solitude in order to find again the true essence of themselves.
Anne Lindbergh
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek & find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."~ Rumi.
Jalai ed-Din Rumi
( Beloved Persian Poet )
That which God said to the rose,
and caused it to laugh in full-blown beauty,
He said to my heart
,and made it a hundred times more beautiful.
