I watched the movie created from the book, " Goodbye Mr Chips" , by James Hilton. It was a wonderful, terrible, excellent story about life and being a person of deep integrity and honor! One line in the show had me scrambling for paper and pen!
" When I stopped judging myself so harshly, the world became kinder. "
I must confess... I've gathered up my accuser's words since before I can remember. Where the tongues who spoke... also forgot. I held their words upon the precipice of my soul... allowing them... one by one to dive and splash into my emotional chamber and pump through me like poison.
I knew who I was. I knew I was not those cruel syllables. But hearing them caused confusion that I was somehow fautly. Someone had to pay penance... didn't they? So I took on the roll. I took on lies and lost myself in the forgotten rubbish tossed so carelessly.
"Love yourself! Take care of yourself! Self-respect, Dignity!" When these words started washing over me, I was at a loss! I did... didn't I? But alas, No! I judged myself very hard, very, very hard on the witness of unthinking individuals. I spent most of my life alone. Very meagre of friends. Locked in walls built to protect, but sheltering pain with no escape route! It was confusing to have duality of emotions. I cared so much for others, but couldn't allow anyone to know what lay so achingly within me.
When I took time to hear myself... I was agast! I got to work seeking out the burdens. While Hands much larger than I, crushed my walls to rubble and dust! I began to see me and not the hideous refuse that marred my soul's visage. I began to fall in love with who my Lord said I was. No other opinion mattered. Their reminice faded like fog when the Sun breaks through!
Some days I still have the residual effects of fresh floggings and I try to step back from their flashing whip... but I am not always quick enough and get scratched and gouged. I think it impossible to sidestep when being blindsided!!! sigh. But I know a great Healer when this happens.
I have been judged harshly and I have judged myself even harder because of it! When I stopped ( or at least became increasingly aware so I could stop) kindness came to me. Even more than this... where I had given my best to others... I suddenly had much better to give!
It is no cliche' to love others as you love yourself. If love for self is limited, then it goes for certain that your love for others is also bound to limited knowledge. Yet to love me, I had to first know I was loved by Another. God's love gave me truth no earthly vessel can.
When I stopped judging myself so unwisely with unedited bluther... I also learned to be much more gracious to others. To understand the cause of my 'effects'... made me seek a new perspective of those before me. Truly, this harsh world has gained a gentler edge!
Even ten years later I still feel quite lonely. Perhaps that is because I have SO much more space to be refilled!
Love Lion~*
"Our own heart, and not other men's opinions, forms our true honor." - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
"If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome." - Michael Jordan
Re-examine all you have been told... dismiss what insults your soul." -Walt Whitman
Whosoever may torment you, harass you, confound you, or upset you, is a teacher. Not because they're wise, but because you seek to become so." -Mike Dooley
" When I stopped judging myself so harshly, the world became kinder. "
I must confess... I've gathered up my accuser's words since before I can remember. Where the tongues who spoke... also forgot. I held their words upon the precipice of my soul... allowing them... one by one to dive and splash into my emotional chamber and pump through me like poison.
I knew who I was. I knew I was not those cruel syllables. But hearing them caused confusion that I was somehow fautly. Someone had to pay penance... didn't they? So I took on the roll. I took on lies and lost myself in the forgotten rubbish tossed so carelessly.
"Love yourself! Take care of yourself! Self-respect, Dignity!" When these words started washing over me, I was at a loss! I did... didn't I? But alas, No! I judged myself very hard, very, very hard on the witness of unthinking individuals. I spent most of my life alone. Very meagre of friends. Locked in walls built to protect, but sheltering pain with no escape route! It was confusing to have duality of emotions. I cared so much for others, but couldn't allow anyone to know what lay so achingly within me.
When I took time to hear myself... I was agast! I got to work seeking out the burdens. While Hands much larger than I, crushed my walls to rubble and dust! I began to see me and not the hideous refuse that marred my soul's visage. I began to fall in love with who my Lord said I was. No other opinion mattered. Their reminice faded like fog when the Sun breaks through!
Some days I still have the residual effects of fresh floggings and I try to step back from their flashing whip... but I am not always quick enough and get scratched and gouged. I think it impossible to sidestep when being blindsided!!! sigh. But I know a great Healer when this happens.
I have been judged harshly and I have judged myself even harder because of it! When I stopped ( or at least became increasingly aware so I could stop) kindness came to me. Even more than this... where I had given my best to others... I suddenly had much better to give!
It is no cliche' to love others as you love yourself. If love for self is limited, then it goes for certain that your love for others is also bound to limited knowledge. Yet to love me, I had to first know I was loved by Another. God's love gave me truth no earthly vessel can.
When I stopped judging myself so unwisely with unedited bluther... I also learned to be much more gracious to others. To understand the cause of my 'effects'... made me seek a new perspective of those before me. Truly, this harsh world has gained a gentler edge!
Even ten years later I still feel quite lonely. Perhaps that is because I have SO much more space to be refilled!
Love Lion~*
"Our own heart, and not other men's opinions, forms our true honor." - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
"If you accept the expectations of others, especially negative ones, then you never will change the outcome." - Michael Jordan
Re-examine all you have been told... dismiss what insults your soul." -Walt Whitman
Whosoever may torment you, harass you, confound you, or upset you, is a teacher. Not because they're wise, but because you seek to become so." -Mike Dooley
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